the house that jack built:
synopsis and extracts

 

 

characters:

 

Jack	Male
Jill	Female
Fly	Male
Radar	Male
Ruby	Female
Uptight	Female
Wes	Male
Des	Male

 

approximate running time:

 

90 minutes

 

synopsis:

 

It is a moving day with a difference for Jack and Jill.  Jack, a police informer, is being moved to a safe house and, along with his wife, given a new identity for protection.  Four plain-clothes policemen are assigned to ensure the day is run smoothly, but their constant bickering continue to make this unlikely.  Add to the mix, two removal men, bitter that they are missing they are missing the Cup Final and the news that a contract has been placed on Jack’s head for that very day and things start to go from bad to worse …

 

This often funny play peels back the memories of a couple as their life is literally dismantled before their very eyes.

 

 

extract one:

 

The cupboard under the stairs.

 

Jill sits alone.

 

Jill   I like it here.  I’ve always liked it here.  It was the same when I was younger.  When I was living back home.  If things were going wrong.  Getting me down.  This is where I’d come.  I’d make my way … into the cupboard under the stairs.  And I’d just sit and listen and sit and listen.  And think. 

 

Pause.

 

You can hear everything in here.  Everything.  People going up the stairs, people coming down.  People talking.  Cooking.  Sleeping.  People playing table football, even. 

 

Pause.

 

It’s like the middle of the house.  The centre.  The heart. 

Pause. 

 

I love sitting here.  I haven’t done it for ages.  Not for a long time.  I used to do it a lot when I was younger.  When I was a kid.  When Mum and Dad were fighting with each other or I was fighting with them, because I hadn’t got my own way, or we were all fighting with each other, because … because …

 

Because that’s what families do. 

 

Pause.

 

I’d pretend I was in space.  That’s what I’d do.  I’d go down into the cupboard under our stairs and pretend I was in space.  I’d let the darkness wrap me up.  Protect me.  Protect me from the rest of the house. 

 

She inhales through her nose.

 

There’s something about the smell of a cupboard under the stairs.  There’s a musty feel to it, dust, damp and yet there’s something else.  Something different. 

 

She inhales again. 

 

It doesn’t smell like any other room in the house, because it smells like every room in the house.  At one time or another when things get old, before they’re thrown out they’re put in here.  Toys, clothes, bedding, ornaments, books.  Just in case they might be needed again.  Just in case they might have some further use.  And once they’ve been in here, they leave their mark. 

 

She inhales once more.

 

Toys, clothes, bedding, ornaments, books. 

 

Pause. 

 

People.  Just in case they might be needed again.  Just in case they might be loved again. 

 

Long pause. 

 

I wonder if my children ever come down here?  When we were arguing.  Fighting.  I wonder if they ever did.  I hope so.  Because whenever I used to leave here, things never seemed to be quite so bad.  After being wrapped in darkness, wrapped in the house, I always felt safer.  I don’t know why.  But I did. 

 

Pause.

 

I just did …

 

 

extract two:

 

 

The stairs. 

 

The lights come up the staircase, and sitting at the top, on the landing, is a large and cumbersome wardrobe.  Wes and Des stand looking up at it, trying to decide the best way to get it down into the hall.  They slowly start to limber up for the task ahead of them - both taking deep breaths, as if trying to psyche themselves up in a weight lifting contest.  The Cops stare - all four of them bemused, wondering how on earth Wes and Des are going to get the wardrobe down.

 

Wes   Ready?

 

Des   Yeah.

 

Wes   Steady?

 

Des   Yeah.

 

Wes   Mentally prepared?

 

Des   Yeah.

 

Wes   Then let’s go for it …

 

He takes hold of the front of the wardrobe.

 

Fly (butting in)   Do you think you can manage, then, gentlemen?  Hmm?  Yes?  Because if you think you might need a hand, I would be only too …

 

Wes   Do you mind?

 

Fly   Sorry?

 

Wes   Do you mind?  You’ve just interrupted our mental preparations.

 

Fly   Oh, sorry …

 

Des   Yeah, moving something like this requires us to be totally focused …

 

Wes   So if you don’t mind, we’ll move the wardrobe, our way, in our time.  Just us.

 

Fly   Look, I …

 

Wes   I understand.  You were only trying to help.  But, would I offer to assist you in interviewing a murder suspect? 

 

Fly   I suppose not …

 

Wes   Exactly.

 

Fly   Oh.

 

Wes   No hard feelings.  It’s just … we’re professionals.  We know what we’re doing.

 

Fly   Fine.  Good, good.

 

Wes   Now if you don’t mind, we’ve just got to get ourselves sufficiently psyched up again. 

 

Des.

 

Des   Wes.

 

The two of them start taking their deep breaths again, cracking their knuckles and generally limbering up.  Fly, looking rejected, keeps out of their way.  Jill appears from the top of the stairs with a small box.  As she makes her way down she passes Jack who is going upstairs empty handed.

 

Jill   We are doing the right thing, aren’t we?

 

Jack   I hope so, love. 

 

I think so.

 

They pass.  After a few moments, Jill, having taken her box into the hall, starts making her way back up the stairs.  Jack is coming downstairs.  This time he is carrying a box.  They meet halfway up the stairs, where they stop.

 

Yeah.  Yeah, I think we are.  I know we are.

 

Jill   I know you think I’m being awkward about all this, it’s just it’s all …

 

Jack   … happened so quickly.  I know.  But it will be all right.  You’ll see.

 

Jill   I just feel that I’m leaving something behind.  Leaving part of us behind.

 

Jack   You’re not.  We’re not.

 

Jill   I know.  I know. 

 

Pause.

 

But it’s like the children’s things for example.  Their old clothes.   I was sure we’d put them up in the attic.  But they’re not there.  I mean, where on earth are they?  We must have left them somewhere.  I’d hate to think we’d left them behind.  Do you know what I …

 

Wes suddenly interrupts Jill, as he backs into her.  He and Des are struggling to get the wardrobe down, and Jack and Jill talking on the stairs is an obstacle they could do without.

 

Wes   Excuse us.

 

Des (hidden behind the other end of the wardrobe)   Yeah … excuse us.

 

Wes, Des and the wardrobe start to pass, as Jack and Jill continue to have their conversation.

 

Jack   I threw them away.

 

Jill   What?

 

Jack   I threw them away.

 

Wes and Des continue to struggle, the wardrobe knocking into Jack and Jill.

 

Wes   Whoops … careful there!  Steady, Des, I’ve got pedestrians down here!

 

Des   Yeah … I know.

 

They continue to pass once more.

 

Jill   What do you mean, you threw them away?  Threw what away?

 

Jack   The children’s old clothes.  When we had that sort out.

 

Jill   We kept them.

 

Jack   No, we didn’t.

 

Jill   Well, I thought we had.  I kept them.

 

Wes is now almost being level with Jack and Jill, struggling to hold the ’front’ end of the wardrobe.

 

Des (yelling)  Hold it, Wes, hold it!

 

Wes   I am bloody holding it.  I should know, it’s bloody heavy.

 

Des   My lace is undone … just keep it steady for a moment …

 

Wes   Get a move on.

 

Des places his end of the wardrobe down on the stairs leaving Wes to struggle with the other end.  Meanwhile the conversation continues.

 

Jack   We had so much clutter.  In the garage, in the shed, up in the attic.  I just threw them out, because I couldn’t see the point.  I couldn’t see the point in keeping all those clothes, when it was obvious we were never going to use them again …

 

Des  (yelling to Wes)   Right, Wes.  Full steam ahead.

 

Wes picks up his end of the wardrobe and they continue down the stairs.

 

Jill   I wanted to keep them.

 

Jack   What’s the point on holding on to the past, love.  You’ve got to move forward.

 

Jill   I don’t want to move forward all the time.  I like to look back …

 

Jack   There were three boxes of clothes up there.  That’s a lot of looking back.

 

Jill   Don’t be so flaming flippant.  I like to look back …

 

Wes is virtually at the bottom of the stairs, Des just passing Jack and Jill.  He pauses for a second.

 

Des (to Jill)  My Nan’s a hoarder too.  She’s keeps everything, bless her ...

 

Wes   Des!  Keep moving!  I’m breaking my bloody back down here!

 

They continue once more down the stairs.

 

Jill   And there’s nothing wrong with the past.  It’s the future I worry about.

 

Jack   Don’t start that again.

 

Jill   I get sick of you telling me how to live my life.  Forcing me to move house.  Throwing away the children’s clothes that I kept.  I just get sick of it.

 

Jack   Look, this is silly …

 

Jill (ignoring him)   How can you talk about the future.  Somebody wants you dead ... hasn’t that sunk in, yet?

 

Jack   Love, stop this …

 

Jill   No, I won’t flaming stop this.  I never started this.  I never start anything. 

 

Jack   I’m sorry.  I should have asked you about the clothes.  I should have asked.

 

Jill   Yes, you should have. You should have flaming asked …

 

Jill continues up the stairs, her voice tailing off.  Jack looks on.

 

Jack (calling)   I’m sorry, love.  (He gets no response.)  Oh, sod it …

 

He turns and continues down the stairs with the box he is still carrying, exiting into the Dining Room.  The Cops look at each other and sigh - the day is not getting any easier.  Wes and Des are oblivious to all this, and simply admire their handiwork.

 

Wes (covering)   Easy.  Too easy.

 

Des (joining in)   Yeah …

 

Wes   Piece of bloody cake.  Just like I said.  Eh?  Eh?  I don’t know what all the fuss was about.

 

The Cops’ attention has now been turned on to Wes and Des.

 

What?  What’s up?  What have we done now?

 

The lights fade to blackout.

 

 

© Matthew Wilkie
47 West Avenue, Farnham, Surrey, GU9 0RB, England
Tel:07710 505806 (+44 7710 505806)
Email: matthew.wilkie@ntlworld.com

Click here to link to www.matthewwilkie.co.uk.